Hunger, Motivation and Fear

A few weeks ago,  in the piece “Relationship Tension”,  I touched on the idea of strokes.  Strokes are often what we need or feel we are owed,  and relate greatly to the Six Hungers.  The Hungers are divided into “How we satisfy our Hungers/What I want”, and “What are we Hungry for?/What I need”.  The hungers are:

Contact Hunger.  Do I crave physical contact?  Reassurance,  comfort,  affection.  Will I settle for pain to get contact?

Recognition Hunger.  Acknowledgement and reassurance in deeds and words.  What will we do to be noticed?

Incident Hunger.  Keeping busy,  feeling useful and relevant,  having a point in the now.  What do we do when we feel stressed from boredom and inaction.

Sex Hunger.  To penetrate or be penetrated,  satisfying other hungers within it.

Stimulus Hunger.  Needing to use the senses,  to see,  hear,   feel,  taste and smell familiar and unfamiliar.

Structure Status.  Routine behaviour,  planned activity,  the discomfort of unstructured silence can lead to Incident Hunger.

Some of the hungers are stronger in some individuals than others,  creating varying motivations for our behaviour.  These Motivations are uncomfortably more common as fears,  creating situations in which the fears,   and not we,  rule our lives.

I’d like us to look at what our fears may be,  how strong they are,  and how that influences our behaviour and decision making in life.  Let us suppose that we score 0 for no fear,  and 10 for great fear,  on the fear scale below.

1.   Anger                    (    )

2.   Abandonment                (    )

3.   Approval, lack of                (    )

4.   Affection                    (    )

5.   Belonging                    (    )

6.   Control                    (    )

7.   Failure                    (    )

8.       By Mistakes at Home            (    )

9.       By Mistakes at Work            (    )

10.     To Make Others Happy        (    )

11       To do Enough                (    )

12.      To be Good enough            (    )

13.   To be Alone                (    )

14.   To be Together                (    )

15.   Being Poor                (    )

16.   Being Rich                (    )

17.   Going Crazy                (    )

18.   Being Over/Under Sexed            (    )

19.   Being Out of Control            (    )

20  .Power                    (    )

21.     Using Power                (    )

22.     Abusing power            (    )

23.     My Having Power            (    )

24.     Their Having Power            (    )

25.     Our Having Power            (    )

26.  Authority                    (    )

27.  Commitment                (    )

28.  Responsibility                (    )

29.     Parenting                (    )

30.     Child-rearing                (    )

31.     Financial-money            (    )

32.     Talking-Listening            (    )

33.     Intimacy                (    )

34.     Growing Up                (    )

35,   Sex                    (    )

36.     Talking about Sex            (    )

37.     Doing it – Right or Wrong        (    )

38.  Being Hurt                    (    )

39.   Embarrassment            (    )

40.   Humiliation                (    )

41    Ridicule                (    )

42.    Shaming                (    )

43.    Blaming                (    )
44.    Name-calling                (    )

45.    Being Yelled At            (    )

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Hunger, Motivation and Fear

  1. This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

  2. Tiggy

    Gina, forgive me but how do we fill this in? Do we have a fear of belonging or a fear of not belonging? A fear of getting angry or a fear of other people’s anger? 🙂

    • ginatoaster

      Except where referred to (as in Other People’s…) we look primarily at your own self – though you can quite valdly score on both your own and others’ anger. I originally used it as a self reference for people. One person has emailed me their scores though, and I was able to comment directly in interpretation. I would be happy to do that for you or anyone else who would like a short analysis of which drivers and injunctions are stressed in their scores.

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